It’s Wednesday night, the eve of the world’s most fabricated holiday which celebrates the union of two souls. I’m sitting on the couch with my roommate, as our spoons take the plunge into the Biscoff spread, we’re considering our Valentines plans.
I decided to poll my closest female felines:
One decides to avoid facebook and all other forms of social media in an attempt to avoid seeing the obnoxious PDAs. Sadly we all know she’ll cave midmorning, grab a cup of jo and enviously scan her newsfeed.
Dogs. Two of us spoke of our dogs. We love them. And they love us - better than any man will (well, right now that’s how we feel…because we’re on what # of our timeline, 6? Give us a few months and when we’re swimming in boys, we’ll forget the dog and ask our neighbor to let out him out for us). Tonight though, ladies, please let that little red rocket in your bed.
To save the best for last, we’ve got a weinner. I hope you can decode what’s necessary.
Well I woke up next to a boy this morning… So THAT was the start of my V-day. Let’s start this story by telling you I got home from work to find a V-day card in my mailbox from a guy that I have only known for 13 days. (Well done, sir)... I decided that I wanted a spooning partner and possibly a **** sesh before I left for my trip. (Yes that is correct; I get to spend my V-day with 45 high schoolers on an 8 hour bus ride. Something about that just screams Love is in the Air!) Anyway, this young man came to my apartment at 11pm with candy hearts (well done, again). OK fast forward to night time...
My presumptions were correct…he is not circumcised. (I wish I could see your reaction is to this) [Side note: When I was at his house on Monday and we were about to do the dirty, we stopped b/c he didn’t have a C (this man has kids…so it’s proven he is fertile). Anyway, I touched it and THOUGHT it could have been what I expected]. Well, last night this was proven accurate. When we started to fool around, he stopped me and said "I need to tell you something" and I was like "I already know and I don’t care" and then he just got really weird...so I tried to go south and yea, that didn’t work out.. so he told me he doesn’t like bj’s... (Really?? what guy doesn’t like bj’s?!) and then s*it just got real weird after that.. so I am hoping the awkwardness of "dudes got some extra skin" has passed and I can finally bang him next time I see him... THEN I can decide if this guy STAYS or GOES.
Which leads me to next our topic of conversation for next week: Thank you Moses for inventing the bris.
